This is an unlikely scenario in 2026. Surely the American Disabilities Act would have mandated a desk job for this tugboat.

The security guard says in a sweet, slow, southern drawl, "Do you have anything to declare?", then moves forward, trips, and simultaneously sends the luggage flying, which opens and spreads underwear all over the area, while the obese guard crushes and destroys the wooden table that he lands on, splintering ...