Arrest report: Big Bad Wolf

On March 26, 2024, at approximately 4:00 pm, I, Officer Cecily Dreamer, along with Officer Grumpy Dwarf, responded to a call from Grandma's House, located at 321 Woods Lane, Launceston, Tasmania. Upon arrival, we observed a male suspect, later identified as The Big Bad Wolf, dressed in Grandma's clothes and lying in her bed. He was pretending to be Grandma and trying to lure a young girl, later identified as Little Red Riding Hood, into his trap. He had a large mouth, sharp teeth, and a hungry look in his eyes.

We approached the suspect and ordered him to get out of the bed and identify himself. He refused to comply and tried to attack the girl. He said that he was going to eat her and us. He also admitted that he had eaten Grandma earlier and that he had plans to eat the Three Little Pigs next. He said that he was a notorious criminal and that he had escaped from the Fairytale Land Zoo, where he had been kept for years.