Fairbairn showed a look of sympathy on her face. “Oh my!”
“I had been corrupted by the NID, but this was the last straw. I turned myself in at the earliest possible moment because I wanted out. Even though I paid my debt to society and my sins were forgiven when I was baptized, I have lived with the guilt of Patrick’s death ever since.”
“And that’s why you became a Carmelite?”
“Carmel provided me with a place for atonement where I could withdraw from the world. But even the past kept haunting me in the monastery. What’s worse, I couldn’t tell anyone about it.”
“Helena, what you did in the past is in the past. That doesn’t define you any longer. You’re Helena of the Cross, a member of SG-24, our cultural advisor and a damned good one at that.” Fairbairn paused. “Helena, have you been struggling with self-forgiveness?"