Driftwood Gull

And now, from the desk of destiny and driftwood—

Title: “The Aviary of Awe and Other Seaside Mysteries”

Hold your hats and tighten your metaphors! A colossal bird made of driftwood has taken to the skies over a glowing shoreline, blessing one wide-eyed beachgoer with what critics are calling “a moment of splintered serenity.” Witnesses on the scene claimed the sculpture flapped “with the grace of a wooden ballet and the panic of a rogue IKEA manual.”

The Driftwood Dreamer Award goes—without hesitation—to this airborne marvel. Also honored with the 2003 Golden Gull for Best Use of Reclaimed Timber in a Non-Furniture Role.

I’m Chip Bravestone, still banned from the Venice Driftwood Symposium after that “incident.” Signing off before I get splinters.

Congratulations