Who knew that Captain Kangaroo was such a dirt-bag?

When the Captain retired, he kept EVERYTHING for himself. Nobody got a taste.

Mr. Moose and Bunny Rabbit went on welfare. Mr. Green Jeans drank himself to death. Grandfather clock ended up selling his hips in a particularly ugly end.

And Dancing Bear, confident of his talents, tried Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and even Shari Lewis, who actually slammed a door in his face. He couldn't handle life without show-biz and lived out his days turning in cans, sewing patches on his costume and loudly cursing out both Captain Kangaroo and Hollywood.

It just doesn't always turn out well for our most beloved.