This isn’t a party—it’s hell’s mandatory team-building exercise. The cake? Soul-bound catering from Dagon’s Delights™. The “blood”? Actually gluten-free raspberry compote (the abyss has dietary restrictions). Those candles? Fire hazards and existential hazards. Cthulhu isn’t menacing—he’s bored, counting millennia until retirement.
Bonus Lore (Slice by Slice):
The "gore": Actually artisanal beet reduction. (Hell’s sous-chef is vegan.)
Candles: Required by Interdimensional OSHA to "combat workspace gloom".
Why Cthulhu? Lost the "Eldritch Employee of the Eon" raffle. Prize: hosting duties.
Smaller plate: His performance review. (Spoiler: "Needs improvement in 'joy dissemination'".)
Vibe Expansion Pack:
"Abyssal Appetizer Reviews"
(★ "Cake: dense. Souls: underbaked. Presentation: literally nightmare fuel.")
"Cthulhu’s Yelp Rant"
("0/10. Cake ignored my cosmic dominance. Candles JUDGED me.")