Apparently my body keep waking me up and i can't go back to sleep. This is why little me was scared of bedtime. I even made a rhyme about it.
"I want to sleep, i want to cry,
I don't understand i did everything right
I take my meds and head to bed
But i get this instead
I wake a hour early
Even to 12:30
When i close my eyes
Another painful night
As bedtime come again
I wish it will end"
Your descriptions are heartbreaking beautiful! I understand what having anxiety is like. If you ever need someone Iām here, Iām not sure how much help Iāll be but I remember feeling the same things as you.