“Yes,” Helena replied. “But ever since Maerwynn spoke to me about it at dinner Saturday, I have been taking it to prayer.” 

“Sister, those things take time to heal. You’ve made a good start so far. I remember General Carter telling us during our training sessions about General O’Neill. She said he carried personal guilt from his past when he first joined the SGC, yet he still showed up for missions. You are doing the same, Sister.” 
Fairbairn affirmed.

“I know. But I’m just worried about how Colonel Larkin will take the news. I’m worried he will be very angry with me.”

“You need to tell him. He deserves to know. Don’t worry about the aftermath. We’ll adjust, if need be,” Fairbairn said.

“I will tell him soon. Perhaps this evening,” replied Helena.

“That’s a good girl. You’re probably just overreacting.”


“Probably so, Izzy.” The two women talked about many things until Fairbairn had an idea about Helena’s Passcode Problem.

“We should be able to set up a program on your tablet to search for the passcode,” the Scot said.

“We... can?” Helena inquired.

“Of course. Technology has changed exponentially in the past twenty years,” Fairbairn replied. “I'll work on it for a bit this evening and we can try it in the morning.”

“That sounds good.” Just then Larkin’s voice emanated from the ship’s comms.

“Larkin to Fairbairn and Sister Helena. Come in. Fairbairn.”

“Fairbairn here, sir,” replied Fairbairn.

“Sister Helena here, Colonel,” Helena replied.

“Status report,” said Larkin.


“I keep finding new problems with the number 2 engine. Every time I fix one problem, twelve more crop up.” 
Fairbairn sighed, “I’d need a team of engineers to fix the *Langford* especially those who have served on Atlantis or a have a background in Ancient tech. Mine’s in Asgard. Sir, for now I recommend we use the *Langford* as a stationary platform for launching drones. Helena and I will work on a program to get the hangar door open, even if it only a crack.”

“I concur, sir,” Helena added.

“Sounds like a plan. The reason I called is that the *Janet Fraiser* has just arrived. Colonel Soreth and Tyra will be beaming down in half an hour, so go ahead and come back,” Larkin said.



Fairbairn showed a look of sympathy on her face. “Oh my!”

“I had been corrupted by the NID, but this was the last straw. I turned myself in at the earliest possible moment because I wanted out. Even though I paid my debt to society and my sins were forgiven when I was baptized, I have lived with the guilt of Patrick’s death ever since.” 

“And that’s why you became a Carmelite?”

“Carmel provided me with a place for atonement where I could withdraw from the world. But even the past kept haunting me in the monastery. What’s worse, I couldn’t tell anyone about it.”

“Helena, what you did in the past is in the past. That doesn’t define you any longer. You’re Helena of the Cross, a member of SG-24, our cultural advisor and a damned good one at that.” Fairbairn paused. “Helena, have you been struggling with self-forgiveness?"


@Mim1986 @CrimsonWhisper @DavidP @The-White-Tiger @ArtMew94 @Cushla @Sakuraflower @SL-Lion-CG @Good_Vibes_Only

Chapter 37: The Weight of Mercy, Part 7

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